As I was listening to the rain this morning my mind began going to different lands the rain was touching. First I saw rain pouring upon white cement and running off. Then I saw the rain pour down upon a pile of rocks and it could not saturate the soil. Next, saw a large field of open soil the rains came creating a field of flowers blooming with vibrant colors.
Realizing these lands represented our lives my mind quickly saw different soils/souls- Seeing difficulties of trauma, hardness, rejection and abandonment had brought these land much hardness like cement and rocks upon their soils/souls. Day after day the refreshing rains still came it couldn’t reach into their soil/soul. While the other land I saw with wide open fields I understood it had no blockages seeing flourishing beauty!
Looking back didn’t think I needed any help…..I had concluded “this is just little old me” or another way to say it ” this is just my personality”. Now after much digging and moving boulders….understanding the terrain in which I lived…Life had been a war zone, traumatizing, hard. Not fully understanding the extent of my damage soul – Until – through a series of difficulties my youngest son practically begged me to get help… scared of the unknown….I finally reached out. Starting with a therapist/counselor and after a while of getting over myself- it was actually a gift to finally tell my story- for someone to listen, hear and affirm emotions, the difficulty’s and the traumatization. It didn’t stop there, I finally left Couseling in search of going deeper -I cried out to God one day ” Help me Lord, I don’t know how to get there”. Later, realized, I was only touching the surface telling my story….I need a huge caterpillar digger- to go deep – Uprooting lies, wrong beliefs, hatred, un-forgivenss, judgement and vows I had against God, myself and others. The faithfulness of God!!! He did bring me someone who went deeper, uncovering lies, exposing falsehood about myself and God. Then giving me new eyes/perspective to see others differently. As I continued going to wounded places- places that triggers us with a trusted friend my soul experienced freedom and healing. Through out the years God brought A Prayer/Deliverance team And others- a proven friend/friends through this journey to walk this together! Break through is occurring- Believing Gods Absolutely Good Heart. So thankful, for my son loving me, truthING me- grateful I went to these fearful places that had smothered my soul/soil. Thank you, ADONIA for Navigate me through these rough waters, for calming my seas’ and bringing light into dark places.
Now forever thankful to be in a place I was actually running from. Allowing a plow into my soil…uncovering, breaking up hard places, removing boulders and vines that were choking my soul/soil. Someday soon, it’s actually already happening my soul is experiencing rain.
Began writing this April 1, 2016- Final writing- May 23, 2022
Oh, Rebecca. I’m crying as I finish this. This is the Truth for so many of us. I’ve been excavating my soil/soul for many years. Beautifully written! I love you, sister!
thank you dear friend and sister, you have truly blessed me by leaving a comment. I love you!!!